Reverb10 - Day 8 - Beautifully Different

I am taking part in #Reverb10 an annual online initiative to reflect on the year past and manifest what's next. Everyday in December there is a prompt on where to direct your writing attention....I am 3 days behind but, had to skip forward to this prompt immediately! Take a gander at Reverb10 and participate!

Day 4 - Beautifully Different
Prompt: Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)


I am completely dumbfounded and amazed at the whirlwind of emotions this prompt has brought upon me. Even though I am behind on the others, this one prompt has engulfed my very being and I need to release it.

My day began as usual:  Checked the prompt, started mulling it over, mind creatively spinning.  Today was different.....there was nothing except confusion.

Different?  What makes someone different?  Why am I different?  I'm not, am I? 

I posted the question on my Facebook page, nothing.  Posted on my blog page, I think I heard crickets.  Eventually my Mom responded by saying I was candid.  Yes, this is true but, lots of people are....what a dull world it would be if everyone kept their thoughts, experiences and opinions isolated.  She was the only one.  This prompted more thinking:

•  I need to get better Facebook friends but, what are "better" friends and where can I find them?
• Facebook is not the forum for this type of thing....I have no problem getting "likes" or responses when I post something totally idiotic or non-earth shattering
• Most of my Facebook friends are illiterate
•  I am not different

I have "felt different" but, don't consider this to be a good thing.  Feeling different in ways that meant I didn't fit in, wasn't worthy of belonging to a particular group of people that maybe, in someway, I admired.  Too different to even attempt having meaningful human connections, feeling almost alien to the world surrounding me.  The more I opened up to people, the more "candid" I became, the more people told me I wasn't so different, they felt the same way.  It took many sleepless nights for me to work through the fact that my feelings were not different, like it took away a part of me, even if it was a bad part.  The thought that other people had these same feelings invalidated them, they were no longer mine.  What I eventually realized was that I was not alone, not weird, not crazy, not different.

What makes me beautiful is not how I am unlike others because when I listen to people, even a little I find the likenesses are plentiful.  I am surely unique, one of a kind but, different than different.  That, readers, is the paradox I've been dealing with all day....and I'm tired.

- The St.Godard Brood Keeper (not different)