Reverb10 - Day 1 - One Word

I am taking part in #Reverb10 an annual online initiative to reflect on the year past and manifest what's next.  Everyday in December there is a prompt on where to direct your writing attention....I am 3 days behind gak!  Take a gander at Reverb10 and participate!


Day 1 - One Word

Prompt: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

To ask me to encapsulate an entire year with one solitary word had proven to be quite a challenge for me but, I think {DEFEATED} was the most prominent feeling for me this year, and if the glove fits....

New Years 2010, I was on the couch, alone recovering from an emergency salpingo-oophorectomy (removal of 1 fallopian tube and ovary) due to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.   This was subsequent to a miscarriage only 2 months earlier.

Everything about me was broken.  My physical being, my spirit but, mostly my heart.  I was utterly broken. I believed in my mind that I was a failure, I could not "normally" conceive our second child and the universe was telling me I didn't deserve it, it wasn't mine to have.   It took the greater portion of the year to actually convince myself to move on from that.  I became a little more isolated, a little more jaded and made the decision not to attempt conception again, I would never go through that again.  I couldn't, I was defeated.

For 2011, I have a brighter view.  Things occur only because they are meant to.  That is the simple reasoning which helps me carry forward, when nothing makes sense and the world is on my shoulders.  I am currently undergoing the diagnosis process for yet another medical issue and I anticipate that the word {ACCEPTANCE} will manifest for me this upcoming year.

Acceptance that everything is as it should be.   That the things I need to change will do so only by determination, strength and the belief that they will.  Accepting myself for who I am and my offerings to the world no matter how small they may be.  Accept others, for who they are and the uniqueness they each represent.  Perhaps most importantly, acceptance that destiny cannot be created.  I do not have the power to alter what will be, only how I let it affect me.


- The St.Godard Brood Keeper (Reflecting, manifesting, 1 day at a time)