Sleep Deprivation and the Blue Screen of Death

Oy, I am running on empty lately, it makes me kind of fun though...at least I think so. I am forever shocked at the energy that comes pouring out of me when I am sleep deprived.  It's like I am on an extreme high all the time but, never cross the line into complete psychosis (again, my opinion). 

The reason I haven't been getting adequate beauty rest is that my best friend has died, sad I know.  Luckily, there are places I can take her to be revived, if not but only for her memory.  I knew this day was coming, I anticipated it but, foolishly did not prepare for it...some kind of mental block prevented me from preserving her hard work, the pictures locked up safely inside of her among many other things about her that have left a shortcoming on my life these past few days.  I tried so hard to bring her back on my own, stayed up all hours of the night tinkering and thinking to no avail.  I must succumb and now bring her to a miracle worker in hopes that at least some of her inner workings can be restored.    For now, I've had to learn to rely on my 8 year olds best friend which I'm grateful to have but, it's just not the same.

Sometimes I wonder how stupid a person (meaning this person) can be...I've had an external hard drive sitting on my desk for almost a year now.  My husband bought it for me last year for Christmas because I was forever in a panicked state by the thought that I had waaay to much information on my hard drive to even begin uploading it to disk at that point but, no back up.  My life is on that thing, as pathetic as that sounds...if my information cannot be recovered it may be the straw that breaks the camels back, or the straw that sends me into hysteria which is likely to make the evening news.  The worst part about it, is that it's my own damn fault.  No, actually the worst part about it is that this is not the first time I've done it.

Wonder if I will learn my lesson this time?

The St.Godard Brood Keeper (Stupid is, as stupid does)

This N' That Plus Everything Else

I know you all thought that the looming holiday season had emerged already.  Some of you with OCD have even put up the trees and decorations I'm sure.  Not to burst your bubble but, you were falsely informed.  The holiday's have officially begun but, only because I put on my Santa socks this morning. 

AJ has torn into his 2nd day on the Playmobil advent calendar, I believe he received wings for the Playmobil figure that he was awarded on day 1 of the calendar.  I think I was equally excited getting it for him as he is in having it.  Lucky kid, I remember my advent calendars being full of shitty chocolate that would somehow always manage to slither it's way out of the designated window to the bottom of the box and half the time I would open the day (with eager anticipation of the shitty chocolate) only to find that another one had escaped.  I would also usually be so impatient with the whole "one a day" concept that by the first week, I had already opened, eaten and re closed every window, hoping my parents wouldn't notice. 

Whilst buying the advent calendar, I purchased another (rather large) Playmobil set.  It came in THIS awesome gargantuan bag.  I love this bag, it is unlike any other bag.  I folded it up nice and put it in a special place in my home.  I will use it again, one day for things even unknown to me.  I may just take it out once in a while to make me smile.  Look at the Playmobil men and women, so happy, so carefree.  No wonder Aidan is so joyous after playing with these wee little men.

This is my husband to the right....he does P90X in hopes that one day I will not trade him in for a cabana boy.  He's a generous husband to be so diligent in looking good for me.  I make sure not to give him any of my nachos and cheese because I want him to reach his goal and I suspect it is rather difficult to find a cabana boy when I am seriously lacking in the cabana department.  Sometimes, I also like to support him by taking pictures right in the middle of the intense workouts, just so he is fully aware that I appreciate the effort he is making.

In conclusion, my new favorite thing (because I'm Oprah) are these tiny little clementine oranges.  I slightly recall a friend recommending them to me last year but, I believe I was in a "I don't buy anything from China" frame of mind and wouldn't even exercise the thought of purchasing them.  Do they even come from China?  Whatever, I was missing out.  Big time.  My hand likes to eat them too, which was not what the picture was intended to demonstrate but, there it is and the proof is always in the puddin'.  If you haven't tried them already, I suggest you leave your house immediately and find the nearest store that sells them.  Try not to devour the whole box, I dare you.

Rambling on:  When I went outside today, the snow falling was so fair that it became luminous.  It was like Mother Nature was doing a craft project and accidentally spilled her glitter dust all over the sky.  For some reason, it reminded me that life is so much more paramount than just what is current and happening to you.  It's the small things you pay attention to, that make the hard things almost insignificant.


- The St.Godard Brood Keeper (Deep in thought)

Toe Jam Tales and the Panini Thief

Toe Jam or unknown organism?

I know what you're thinking...."what is that picture to the left?  It's kind of creeping me out."  Well, you can imagine then, how I felt when I found this in my BATHTUB.  It basically leads me to one question...Why are husbands such disgusting creatures?  What effort does it take to actually rinse out the bathtub after you use it?  Apparently A LOT because, it never gets done.  I'm sorry if I've categorized your husband as a disgusting creature, you may not agree but, it makes me feel better to imagine that all husband's are like this hence why I have to tolerate it.

I've inspected the object in question and I can only come to the conclusion that it is none other than jam, not the kind you spread on toast or roll into a crepe (oh yum, I want crepes) but, the kind that comes from your toes, or his toes rather.  There appears to also be a dog hair mixed in with the toe jam which leads me to believe (and is the only possibility) that the dog was also having a bath at the same time.  There is another miscellaneous hair in the mixture, too straight to come from nether regions but, still nonsensical because my husband has a shaved head.  Therefore, I also have reason to suspect that he had another short haired animal in the bathtub possibly a goat of some sort?  Yep, my husband, the dog and a goat all had a bath together last night and found it necessary to leave behind evidence of said event.

In other, news my dog stole my Chicken Pesto Panini this evening (or what was left of it).  Although she's apologized for her unruly behavior, I just don't see the reasoning behind making such a display out of her thievery.  I'm just happy she decided to leave my Funky Monkey Smoothie untouched, however she did manage to lick it off the lid.  Luckily there wasn't much of it left for her to feast on because she does not tolerate human food well and we would've had a serious case of explosive canine diarrhea had she ate more of it.  Then I would've had to succumb her to another bath....with husband....and the goat.

A dog's dinner

I so sawry.

I love that the bag says Feed the Crave....she sure did!

- The St.Godard Brood Keeper (aka dog and husband whisperer)

An Ode to John Player's Silver

I have not smoked for 15 hours, 38 minutes and 23 seconds. I have saved $6.60 and 1 hour of my life thus far. To some of you this may seem like a very simple thing to do....for me it is not. I am classified as a Pleasure/Crutch/Addictive smoker and this is the worst kind. I smoke when I am happy, I smoke when I am sad and I smoke because I am addicted physically and mentally. For the first while when I quit smoking (some of you remember I was able to do it from 2005-2008) I feel like I am mourning the loss of a very close friend. Hence the post.

John Players Silver Regular had been a very close friend of mine for almost 3 years now. We met through a mutual friend Marlboro in Mexico in 2008 when I went there for my wedding. Marlboro was really fun and it was cheap to hang out with him, little did I know he was plotting against me the whole time to send me on a downward spiral into a smoking abyss. I remember the last day in Mexico frantically running through the airport to find a designated spot where I could say goodbye to Marlboro once and for all! I wasn't aware that his replacement John Player's would be waiting for me back in Winnipeg.

When I returned to Winnipeg, I spent a week mourning Marlboro and the good times we had and then John Player's walked in to my life. I was so excited to meet him but, knew I could only hang out with him for a little while and then we would have to go our separate ways. Now almost 1030 days later I have finally managed to say goodbye. You see, John Player's and I had a very dysfunctional relationship. He would make me feel wonderful one minute and then stab me in the back the next. It got to the point where I felt ashamed to be friends with him and often we had to hide our relationship from the world and could only hang out openly with other people who had friends like him.

Judd especially did not approve of me spending time with him, and I feel badly that I was with John Player's at times where I should have been spending time with Judd or Aidan. Sometimes I tried to hide it from even Judd but, he could somehow always sniff out JP's cologne called nicotine which clung to my hair and clothes. Eventually Judd and I agreed that JP and I should only spend time with each other in the garage, secluded from him and Aidan so that they no longer had to share in this destructive relationship. For the next year I spent a lot of time in the garage with JP and we became closer each day because we didn't have to feel bad anymore, we were alone.

A few months ago I realized that I was starting to crave spending time with JP like a junkie craves the needle. The friendship had turned quickly into a nightmare. I started coughing up bloody phlegm, I began to get scared and I knew my time with JP had finally reached it's breaking point. I tried to get rid of him more than once since then and he always came back, taunting me in my mind, telling me I needed him, I couldn't go on without him. I felt trapped, like this was my destiny....he was going to kill me.

I turned to the aid of my Doctor, I told her I was having troubling ridding myself of this horrible friend and I needed help. I had seen other people have great success in saying goodbye to friends like JP with something called Champix, and I knew I had to try it....it was the only way I could get rid of him once and for all. She was more than happy to oblige, I started taking Champix that same day. Sure enough between day 8 and 10 of taking it I started to notice that JP's cologne really bothered me, it started to feel like I was suffocating every time I went around him. My physical being no longer wanted to be around him but, my mind would still occasionally tell me that I needed to visit with him. By day 10, I started to forget about him more and more, only going out to see him about 4-5 times a day which was a marked improvement from the sometimes 20-25 times a day in recent months.

On day 13 I made the decision to say good-bye. We ended our relationship last night with one last lip pursed kiss, I went to bed quite angry and slept very restlessly but, I woke up today still firm on my decision and confident that I will never go back to the friendship I once had with JP or anyone like him. His friendship to me was an illicit pleasure, one I felt increasingly guilty about and I am better off without him, eventually he made me physically ill.

Although I am thankful to my filtered pal for coming along for the ride called life, allowing me to reward myself with breaks throughout the day to spend time with him and for lifting me up during the good days while comforting me on the bad it was due time I said goodbye and start thinking more about myself. Our friendship took up too much of my time and eventually would've sucked me dry to the point where it would rob me of precious time I have yet to spend with those I love. Goodbye old friend, remover of cares, it was a good run but, we both knew it couldn't last forever.

- Sarah